In other words... instead of catching up on all the workouts and runs that I haven't posted this week like any good fitness blogger would do... I'm going to change the subject! I swear I'll catch up soon.
So, da troof:Reading the "I haz fat days" was kind of an eye opener to me - not only do I see the gorgeous lady behind Skinny Runner as my running idol, but let's be honest, she's a knockout. I kind of ignorantly and rudely assumed that she never had a bad body day in her life. And while I wouldn't wish feeling bad about yourself on anyone (I've done plenty of it and I know it sucks), it's sometimes nice to know that body image issues aren't just reserved for those of us who have fat skeletons in their closets.
Another unfortunate troof:What they don't tell you when you lose weight is that it's never really over. It's kind of this awful realization that nobody wants to talk about. This is not to say that your weight loss is never over - please, when you hit a healthy and happy weight, stop losing! But the struggles with weight never end. I assumed that when I hit my goal weight last year and became a lifetime member with Weight Watchers that that was it, I was done. And for a while, it really seemed like that could be true - I was working full time at a job that constantly had me on my feet and moving around, so I was burning a ton of calories without noticing. I turned into one of those people I'd always been jealous of who could eat pretty much anything, exercise randomly, and still easily maintain their weight. Then, in the span of about a month, that fell apart and I gained about 7 pounds. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make me feel uncomfortable in my skin again... and make my favorite jeans impossible to wear.
Now is when I would love to tell you that since I had already successfully lost much more weight, it was no problem at all for me to drop those 7 pounds. But it's been a serious problem - a problem that has been gnawing at me for a few months now. Because of that, I've been struggling a lot with my own body image lately, especially with the new pressures of working for Weight Watchers. I'm still within my goal range for the company, so my job isn't at risk, but it's hard to spend so much time every week telling other people how to reach their goal weight and saying "You can do it!" when I feel like I can't.
Running, and fitness in general, has helped me a lot with my body image, because it reminds me of what my body can do regardless of what it looks like. I went on a great run today and I wasn't thinking about how big my thighs looked in my running tights - I was thinking about how great it felt to be running outside in the sunshine! But do I get self conscious about how my thighs look? HELL YES I DO. It's one of those battles that I think I will always be fighting... and I would love to say that I'm an expert on it, but I'm not. I'm trying though, and working on it, and that's the best we can do.
It's funny, really, how our body image and self confidence ebbs and flows. Today I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. My stomach looked pudgy, my arms looked flabby... I wasn't happy with my body at all. And yet, when I look at this picture:
I am completely amazed at how far I've come. Before Weight Watchers, I would never have tried on those shorts, let alone taken photographic evidence. And while I joke about how manly my calves are - look at that muscle! A lot of hard work went into that calf, and I love it, even if I sometimes wish I could do a leg transplant with Julianne Hough.
Da troof really is that I don't know the solution for body image issues. I'm still learning - I think we all are. But sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone. I'm blessed to have family and friends that support me and tell me how great I look, and a boyfriend who thinks I'm gorgeous even when I can't stand the sight of myself. At the end of the day, despite how much I will my thighs to shrink, I am loved and lucky. And my thighs?
Well, I guess they're okay.