And then it was summer...

Today's run:
Couch to 5K Week Seven, Day Two

Aaaaand... that's about all the information I have for today's run.  Remember how last Thursday, I posted this entry about how great and philosophical my run was, and how I ended it feeling refreshed and renewed and proud of myself?  Take the opposite of that, add in some of this...

... and you have my run for the day.

My Garmin died about 10 minutes into the run, and since I was using my iPod shuffle and the Couch to 5K podcast, I really had no sense of time.  Normally, this would be no big deal, but it meant that I was flying solo in terms of walk breaks.  I decided to just "take them as needed," but let's be honest... I'm lazy and I let myself out of stuff too easily.  So I think I took an excessive amount of walk breaks and made them longer than they should have been.  I'm actually starting to worry a little bit about the walk breaks.  For one thing, I'm still working on getting over my mental block of "If I'm not running the whole time, how can I call myself a runner?!!!"  And for another, I'm starting to think I am letting myself off the hook with the walk breaks and that I could easily push myself to just run for the whole time straight... after all, I finished Couch to 5K as written back in 2009 when I was much heavier and much more out of shape.

On top of all the mental games I was torturing myself with during the run, Colorado apparently decided overnight that it was time for summer.  So when I went out for a run at 10:30 am expecting to be perfectly fine, I ended up getting pretty overheated.  Note to self: stop being a complete bum in the morning and go for your run earlier. 

But after all is said and done, it was just one run, and life as we know it did not come to a crashing halt.  So I guess when I turn into a big whiny baby and cry about how the world will end if I have a bad workout or (gasp!) miss a workout entirely, I am wrong.  Now I know how poor Harold Camping must feel.

So I'm getting over it.  I'll do better tomorrow.  I know I just have to keep on keeping on, and I don't know why I am struggling so much to just do it.  After all, by the 10th of June, I have to send my weight into my manager for the month, and as of now, I'm still two pounds too heavy.  So what do I do?  Have a crappy run, whine about it while sitting on the couch, and then eat my weight in fajitas for dinner.  Nice work, Jessica.

Does anyone else have mildly self destructive behavior?  Why is it that even when we know what's good for us, we won't do it?
I sometimes think I regress into a teenager and have to rebel against something for no good reason.  So when I think about how I need to buckle down, exercise hard, and eat right to get my weight back under control (and, more importantly, back to a place where I'm comfortable and happy in my own skin)... I don't do it.  I kick and scream and eat cake.  Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who does this.

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