I have no good title for this.

Yesterday's workout:
Fire 30
262 calories/30:54

Today's workout:
135 calories/16:16

Do you ever feel like you're completely dogging your workouts?  That's how I felt with both of these.  Yes, I had the feeling of pride that comes when you've finished a tough workout... but the truth is, they didn't feel that tough.  I thought I was pushing as hard as I could, and I thought I was giving it my all, but my HR monitor told me something else.  Normally with TurboFire, and in the HIIT workouts especially, my HR will get up to about 175 or so as a maximum, and my average will be around 150 or 155.  For yesterday's workout, my max was 164 and my average was 143... today my max was 170 and my average was 145.  Of course, I want to say that it's because I'm getting fitter, but I think it might be that I was just phoning it in.  Kind of like how I was sad that I couldn't run tonight because of rain, so I made meatballs and a pasta bake with my mom, which I devoured along with about 50 pounds of French bread.

Obviously not my picture because it's still mostly intact.

Forgive the whining, but I just cannot figure out where the hell my motivation has gone.  I have plenty of reasons to stick to my eating and exercise plan.  Like... I see David again in 3 weeks and I wanted to be back in my skinny jeans by then (stop laughing).  Like... I am tired of not liking what I see in the mirror and being back at a point where I feel like I'm at war with my body.  And, oh yeah... I'm still over my goal weight with Weight Watchers, meaning that if I don't lose a few pounds in a couple weeks, my job is actually in jeopardy.  They can take my Friday morning meeting away from me.  And let's not forget that I'm over the goal weight that I reset so that I could buy myself some time to get back to my real goal weight that I set last August... which was still 7 pounds higher than the weight I actually wanted to be!

Thus, the question remains... WHY AM I NOT DOING IT?!!!  And I really don't know.  I think mostly the problem is that I am, at heart, a whiny child who always has to have everything her way.  So even though my adult mind knows that in the great scheme of things, I want to fit in my skinny jeans and love my body and know that my job is safe much more than I want cookies... the whiny child throws a fit about how much she wants cookies.  And then I just feel unhappy and deprived and sad.  Which is dumb.  I live a good life and have eaten many a cookie in my day... and all I ever say about Weight Watchers is that you can eat whatever you want as long as you plan for it.  I'm just not planning for it.  I can whine all I want to about how it isn't working, but it isn't working because I'm not doing it.

Whew.  Okay.  That was some serious whining.  If you've made it this far, congratulations... you must be a marathoner because you have the patience to endure this crap.  But you shall be rewarded.  See, when I went to Nordstrom for the anniversary sale and dropped serious money on things I don't need, I also decided that I should buy a pair of Nike Tempos so that I could fit in with the cool kids.  If you're shaking your head right now and saying "she's an idiot" - you are correct.  I tried them on and did a little running in place in the dressing room and thought they fit pretty well.  I was encouraged by Cely's take on them - "I like them because they are long enough to cover the parts of my thighs that touch so I don't make sparks and burn down a forest."  I too have thighs that long to create fire, so I thought maybe I'd be okay.  But I was still a little worried about running in them (read: wearing them in public) so I decided that I'd take them out for a little TurboFire action today.  All I can say is THANK YOU GOD that I decided to wear these for the shortest workout possible.

I made a photographic display of my complaint with the Nike Tempo shorts - I know you're excited.  The thing is, it's true that they are a little longer than a lot of running shorts I've tried on...


But only to a point.  See, kids... if you really have thunder thighs like I do, then you know about how they tend to eat shorts.  And I don't mean that in a funny way.  I mean that in a way that makes you never want to wear shorts in public (which is perhaps why I never wear shorts in public).  Notice Exhibit A.

If you ignore my pouty "WTF am I wearing shorts?!" face for a moment, you'll see that the scary parts of my thighs that act like teenagers in love and can't stop touching each other are, in fact, covered by the shorts.  But then I walked around for, oh... 5 seconds, and staring at me in the mirror was Exhibit B.

The face says it all.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?!!  I just lost two inches of coverage.  And let's not even discuss doing squats in these babies.  It was indecent exposure all over the place.  I think my DVD player was blushing by the end.

So maybe I'm still not a running-in-shorts kind of girl.  Maybe if I actually ate healthfully and really pushed my workouts again (and oh yeah, went on a run before the rain), I could run in shorts.  Perhaps that will be my new motivation.  My skinny jeans and keeping my job clearly aren't cutting it anymore... maybe I just need to think about how I want to look like all the Turbo girls in their booty shorts.


Meanwhile, I'm exhausted.  So Triple Tangent Tuesday will take place tomorrow... Triple Tangent Tomorrow?  Triple Tangent Twednesday?  It's happening.

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