If you just read the title and you're having a "well, duh" moment... bear with me.
I am easily disappointed in myself - it's not my most attractive or productive quality, and it's something that I am actively working on. But it's true, and it means that I beat myself up about things often. If I miss a workout, instead of being forgiving (which I would be to someone else), I sometimes slip into the bad habit of telling myself I am a failure and feeling horribly guilty about it. Again... working on it!
But since I've stepped up my fitness level (read: started actually exercising, instead of counting walking from my bed to my couch as a workout) in the past few years, my high expectations for myself have gone to a new level. I think it started when I did P90X in the summer of 2010. I'd been exercising regularly before that, but I hadn't stuck to anything that regimented before, and I had definitely never done workouts that difficult every day. I had fantastic results from it, I loved the way it made me feel, and I felt so incredibly proud of myself for sticking to it. But then the 90 days were over, and I fell into an exercise limbo for several months. I had gone from having an entire basement to myself to exercise in to living in a relatively small apartment with 5 other girls and sharing one living room with one DVD player between all of us. I also went from working zero hours a week to working at least 30 hours a week, at an exhausting job outside in the Florida heat and humidity. I did a few P90X workouts here and there, but I couldn't make myself stick to the plan. And instead of realizing that P90X wasn't going to work for me in my new environment and shifting to something that would work, I instead told myself that if I wasn't doing P90X, it wasn't worth working out at all.
I've tried to get better with this mentality, but I'm afraid with the half marathon now under my belt, this issue has resurfaced. The problem is that I've proven to myself that I can do very intense workouts, like P90X and TurboFire, as well as very intense and long workouts, like all of the long runs I did during training. So I get whacked out and tell myself that since I can do those intense workouts every day, that I have to do them every day. But you know what? That simply isn't true.
I'm still learning, and I know I'll continue to have mental setbacks, but I realized today that I can't and I don't have to run a half marathon every day. Or do P90X or TurboFire every day. Let's face it - some days you feel like running a whole lot, lifting weight for hours, or doing some hardcore cardio. But some days you feel like getting back in bed and watching romantic comedies on Netflix all day. And that is okay. Today, I planned on going for a run. But you know what sounded really miserable? Running. So I went for a long walk with my mom, my sister, and the Bonster Monster, and it felt great. It wasn't the hardest activity I've ever done, and I don't think I torched a whole lot of calories, but it is what I felt up to. And I'm starting to realize that taking care of yourself isn't just about eating right and exercising regularly... it's about showing yourself compassion and doing what feels right.
As for now... sleep feels super right. So I'm going to be compassionate to myself and go to bed. Sweet dreams, all!