Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter for Dummies.

An Easter How-To

1.  Sleep for nearly 11 hours the night before, wake up groggy and craving fast food breakfast sausage.


2.  Remember that you can't have breakfast sausage because you can't chew anything - throw a fit and refuse to eat anything except a banana and a Starbucks chai (with soymilk, thankyouverymuch) - REJOICE because they are quite possibly the greatest thing you've ever tasted.
3.  Pout around the house until the afternoon.


4.  Dye eggs, realize that you are starving, and agree to try pancakes.
5.  Eat pancakes - REJOICE because they are quite possibly the greatest thing you've ever tasted.
6.  Whine about how much you want meat until your mommy buys you sausage tortellini.
7.  Watch How I Met Your Mother reruns and eat the first meat you've had in nearly a week - REJOICE because it is quite possibly the greatest thing you've ever tasted.


8.  Finally shower.
9.  Change your sheets.
10.  Become one with your couch because showering and changing your sheets took all of your energy.

So that's it.  There's my day in a nutshell.  Aside from the slight temper tantrum I threw this morning over not being able to have a Sausage McMuffin with Egg (next to nail polish, McDonald's sausage patties are my favorite drug), it was a day of big progress for me.  My big task for the day was "increasing jaw motion" with moist heat.  Which really meant wrapping a Bed Buddy around my chin until either my face felt like it was on fire, or my arms started to hurt, whichever came first.

Check out that jaw motion, kids.  Still not sure why I acted like I was frightened...


Overall, I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm still not 100% back to normal, and chewing is still a whole heckuva lot of work, but it was great to get some solid food in so that I felt somewhat human.  

And look!  Not super chipmunky!

Tomorrow I'm going to do some more Weight Watchers training in the morning, which hopefully doesn't completely exhaust the recovering version of me.  If it does, I'll take a nap before rehearsal.  And finally admit that I'm getting old.  

Wait... I am getting old soon!  Only two days until my birthday!  I better be able to chew some cake by then.  

That's it.  I am not exciting tonight.  Over and out.


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