Monday, September 14, 2015

Tooting my own horn for a change.

Today's run:
3.22 miles in 45:00
Today was my first run since the Dumbo Double Dare last weekend.  I set out to run 3 miles.  I'm grateful that was my only goal because while I did achieve it, most of the run was spent focused on foot pain, shin splints, and asking God why he had forsaken me.  So all in all, it was a great run.
But I did it and I'm proud of myself for that.  Furthermore, I didn't beat myself up about how slow I was or how much pain I was in because I ran 19.3 miles last weekend, damnit, and that's really cool.  Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit.  Does anybody else feel like that?  I tell myself that I don't really "run" because I take walk breaks and because I'm slow.  I tell myself that because I've done so many half marathons (last weekend marked my 11th) it isn't very impressive when I finish one.  WTF?!  Of course I really run!  I'm out there huffing and puffing while other people I know sit on their couches!  I deserve so much credit for stuffing my jiggly bits into workout clothes and busting my butt!  And it's still CRAZY impressive when I finish a half marathon!  I don't care if I run 50 of them - each one is a massive triumph and I earn those medals and all the bragging that comes with them!
This is something I'm working on, really.  I'm working on being better to myself.  The truth is, I've spent the past few months being REALLY hard on myself.  It's one of those tough parts of getting involved in health and fitness - it starts to surround you.  I did the same thing when I became a Weight Watchers Leader.  I was constantly talking to people about weight loss, food choices, meal planning, emotional eating... it started to become my whole world.  Since I thought about it so much, I started to pick my own choices and tendencies apart.  If I talked to my members about meal planning, I told myself I needed to be perfect at it.  If I harped on getting in the Good Health Guidelines (fruits, veggies, healthy oils, lean proteins, etc.) in the meeting, then I better go home and check every single one off, every single day, without fail.  Not very realistic, right?  But it's how my little perfectionist brain works.

I thought with age and wisdom (let's be real, it's mostly age) that I could grow past that and not fall into the same pitfalls with coaching.  But here I am, eight months later, struggling.  I'm not good at eating clean (because cake).  I still don't know how I got through P90X because as it turns out, I kinda suck at following a workout program exactly (because half marathons).  I spend way too much time comparing myself to other coaches and coming up short, which is stupid, but true (because Lindsay Matway).

But I just spent two weeks pretty much unplugged from the coaching world and when I got back, something in me snapped.  I realized that living this double life of being perfect on social media while having a really tough time in my personal life was just dumb.  So I'm knocking it off and being honest.  And I'm also BRAGGING ON MYSELF A LITTLE.  Let's start here.  Today's run was freaking slow.


But you know what?  It was still a run.  Who cares if I'm slow?!  I've finished 11 half marathons and I'm just starting to train for my 12th.  Tonight, that's enough for me.  I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty great anyway.
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